Woah! I actually can’t believe it. Saying, well writing, those words makes me buzz out. I can’t believe that I’m crossing that bridge, and in 372 days I will be 30 years old. Wow.

To mark this occasion, in the next 12 months I am embarking on a journey to complete 30 crazy things before I’m 30.

I’m scared, but am confident that if I push myself, I can achieve them.

Come on a Joshua Journey with me.

Happy Monday one and all.

Josh

And I will tell you about a guy who was run over at the age of 16 and should’ve died, should’ve never been able to walk again, but is living, and well and truly walking.

…

Tell me dreams don’t come true,

And I will tell you about a guy who started dancing at the age of 21, joined a dance crew- helped start a huge dance culture in New Zealand- and successfully gained the first medal at the Hip Hop international dance competition for Aotearoa.

…

Tell me dreams don’t come true,

And I will tell you about a guy who was asked to Travel around Samoa, Nuie, Cook Island and Tonga by and with the Prime Mininster of New Zealand- John Key.

…

Tell me dreams don’t come true,

And I will tell you about a guy whose dream was to do a TV show and out of the blue is called by a random director and asked to travel around New Zealand with some of His closest friends- Prestige-dancing, performing, sky diving, rally car driving, bungy jumping, acrobatics in small planes and heaps more fun stuff, whilst being paid and filming a TV Show, called “Phunk Nation”.

…

Tell me Dreams don’t come true,

And I will tell you about a guy who was told His whole life “Don’t dream”, to “get your head out of the clouds”, to “settle down and get a real job” and went on to travel to, Australia, America and the Pacific Islands performing and inspiring others to dream- because He was living proof.

…

Tell Me dreams don’t come true,

And I will spend hours with you encouraging you to believe in yourself- because you’re absolutely precious and able to do far more than you dare to dream-, to fight for your dreams- because they’re so attainable, albiet challenging- and to live a life against the status quo and the mediocre- Because you were created for more.

…

Tell me dreams don’t come true,

And I will tell you over and over and over again, that there is nothing special about this little Maori Boy from Manurewa and that there is no difference between Me and you.- I had a dream, I went after it, and achieved it.

Though I’ve got many more dreams to achieve, this first part of my journey has been an amazing experience, and I absolutely believe you-yes YOU- can achieve just as I have, and so much more.

…

Tell me dreams don’t come true,

On second thoughts, Don’t!

Whilst I’m a self confessed novice at the technological side of the world- I am most certainly not a novice of life. I know when there is something that hits the world that can change the world- either for good or for bad. Enter chatroulette.com.

This new forum of social networking is a revolution in webchat, in video chatting and in meeting people. The premise is simple create a website where people- young or ancient- can connect to without signing up, click on the website and like a roulette table, spin the dice and see who you end up chatting to.

Sounds fun right? But it is?

Because I’m just as much of a fan of fads as the next guy- I’ve got an account for almost everything possible, including much of the aforementioned sites- so when chatroulette came to my attention, I couldn’t resist, I had to try it. I had to give it a go.

*Cue happy Disney music*

With anticipation in one hand, nervousness in the other and excitement in my heart I logged onto chatroulette.com.

As mentioned prior, there is no sign up necessary, so you just jump on the sight, allow the site access to your webcam, and click “new game”.

“Interesting phrasing” I think to myself.

Alas, the game has begun.

This is what happens.

The new game is like spinning a roulette wheel in Vegas, you click the “New Game” button, and it randomly searches out other cameras from around the world, and drops you off at a random person’s webcam, if you don’t like what slash who you see, you simply press “new game” and you’re automatically delivered from them to a new recipient. You may think, yay! I’m going to get a young skater from Illinois, or an elderly man from Turkey, or even a sweet little ol’ lady from Whakatane- simply wanting to chat to you, and find out who you are, where you’re from, and what you’ve been up to.

Oh, how wrong you are!

Chat roulette is riddled with Sexual Predators from around the globe who jump on this site in the hope that young girls, or young boys, will be naïve enough to play a new game and get dropped off at their webcam, where they can be as since and as indecent as they wish to be- because essentially there is nothing you can do about it.

The website is ungovernable, unpoliced and untrackable- and because you needn’t sign up to participate it is quite possible for an old perverted pedophile to be dropped right into your young daughter/son’s living room ready to do the unspeakable to themselves just to get a kick.

Sure you can next them, but quite often in the two seconds it takes to click “new game” you’ve already seen more than you’ve wanted to see and more than you’d want your kids, younger siblings or even friends to observe.

More often than not, as the game plays, there are creepy men (and women) who are already waiting on the other side of the webcam- naked, doing sexually lewd acts to themselves, with camera positioned so that with immediate connection with their webcam you are seeing far too much than you’d bargain for.

Parents, siblings, friends- I caution you, do not be deceived, though the idea is fun and innovative- do not go near chat roulette. Naked people, sexually explicit men and women, predators are waiting on the other end.

Beware.

I wasn’t on the site for too long, but in the 30 minutes I was on with my two- over 25 years old- friends, we probably spent a lot of the time waiting to connect with someone and 1 in 3 cams were of a vulgar variety.

Exercise caution on the website people. We have the opportunity to shield those we love from this kind of indecent exposure from predators.

For those of you who are Christians- I heard a statistic yesterday that said around 60% of men (who attend church) regularly visit pornographic websites at least once a week. Do not be fooled- Pornography and these kinds of websites should set off warning bells.

For people who are just going to go to the site now because I explained this to you, (I know what humans are like) all I say is be very careful and please beware.

Thanks for taking a Joshua journey today.

Heart beating.

Finger tapping.

Waiting…

Waiting…

I relocate, unexpectedly, from Australia, and return to Auckland.

My home.

My comfort zone.

I sit.

I wait.

Patiently.

Thoughts rage in my head.

What am I doing?

Where am I going?

…

My finger taps.

Voices swirl around like a cyclone in my head.

Well intended people comment.

“I know what’s best for you”

“Settle down”

“Get a stable job”

“Have a family”

“Do this”

“Do that”

…

My mind entangles.

My finger taps.

My lips -like clockwork, as if without a thought-  smile.

…

That’s the right thing to do, right?

Smile?

That’s what they want, right?

A smile?

…

A forced, painful smile.

To appease.

…

My mind hurts.

My finger taps.

…

I sit and realise that my life has been one that has sought to please.

Others.

Strangers even.

Others.

…

I’ve spent so long trying to please others, that to be asked the question “what do YOU want?”, almost seems rhetorical.

I’m dumbfounded.

Speechless.

…

My mind cries.

My finger taps.

…

I don’t know.

I really.

Don’t.

Know.

…

I realise then, that there are so many voices in my head-

Friends

Family

Acquaintances

Strangers

Pastors

Well-intended people

They’re so loud, that I’ve forgotten what my own one sounds like.

…

My mind toils.

My finger taps.

…

So used to pleasing others.

Humans.

That I’ve forgotten what pleases me.

What brings my heart to life.

…

Arghhhhhh!

…

My mind battles.

My finger taps.

…

Chaos.

Craziness.

Teary eyes.

Heavy heart.

Low spirits.

Inward conflict.

Internal mayhem.

…

Then.

A whisper.

A gentle, soft whisper.

…

“Be still”.

…

Amidst the chaos.

The craziness.

The layered conversations in my mind.

I hear that faint, barely audible whisper.

…

Still.

Calm.

Soothing.

Quiet.

Gentle.

Loving.

…Loving

…

“Be still”.

Though I don’t understand.

I listen.

I obey.

I still.

…

“Do you trust Me”?

…

This question that I am asked, is quickly turned to a question I must ask myself.

“Do I trust You”?

…

My finger taps.

…

..

.

Do I trust You?

My mind races.

My finger taps.

My lips smile.

…

If nothing else.

If no one else.

I.

Trust.

You.

…

My heart stills.

My mind untangles.

My finger ceases.

…

I think.

I realise.

I understand.

…

Though the voice of others clutter my mind, though I sometimes can’t hear my own voice, my own heart. A whisper comes, and reminds me. That I can trust Him.

I may not be able to trust everyone in this world. At times, I may feel like there is no one I can trust at all. But what I realise is this.

Though Man may let me down.

Though Man may unintentionally try to lead me down their well intended wrong paths.

It is God I can trust.

…

In this stillness.

In this clarity.

In this moment of serenity.

He poses the question to me again.

“What do you want?“

…

My heart is still.

My mind is clear.

My finger does not tap.

…

For I know exactly what I want.

Truly.

Sincerely.

Honestly.

…

I want Jesus.

More than anything else.

More than everything else.

I.

Want.

Jesus.

…

But there is  one question left to ask.

…

What do YOU want?

We live in a world where we look but don’t truly see.

I’ve spent much of my life loving people, going out of my way to love and embrace people who haven’t had a life filled with affection. I would use the love that I had in me to- as if by osmosis- teach people, nay, show people that love is indeed possible in this self-absorbed world.

In a world where we’re taught to look out for numero uno, I’ve chosen to put people before me, to love on people more than myself, and to spend my life not just looking at people, but “Seeing” people.

I loved Avatar. I loved how Jake Sully wasn’t taught how to see, but learned how to.

I have spent much of my life trying to see people, even when it cost me emotionally, physically, spiritually.

I believe with all my heart that people deserved to be seen.

I’m not perfect, not even near it, but one thing i’m good at is seeing people.

It’s cost me over the years. I’ve developed friendships, and tried to see people so much that it’s hurt, and even now, at the ripe old age of 27- i’m still learning how to handle being seen without being seen in return. A lesson that may take the rest of my life.

It’s hard at times. Sore. But one thing is for sure, if I spend my life trying to see people, my life is worth more having tried to see them first.

I am here now because God first saw me, chose to see me, has continued seeing me, even when I don’t deserve it. Perhaps that’s why I loved Avatar so much- It echoed a cry of my heart to not just have people look at me, but to see me, warts and all- and continue- til death do us part- to see me.

I hope you choose to be someone who not only looks, but sees.

It’s unlikely anyone will ever stumble upon my ramblings, but if you do, I hope that one day, perhaps today, you will not simply be looked upon, but seen, truly seen.

See you.

Shua

You see I’m 27 and single. VERY single. For the first few years of my teen life/young adult life- it was by choice. Until I met this girl who I actually believed was “the one” and it all changed.

I’m gutted now though because even though I don’t believe in “The one”- She was pretty darn close. She ticked all my boxes (not to be misread as “tickled my boxers”)- Firstly she loved Jesus, She could sing, dance, perform, was deep, funny, fun, silly and flippin’ beautiful.

We had talked to each other about our feelings and agreed we like each other- however, time worked it’s magic and we didn’t end up pursuing it any further.

The point is small.

To be a lover- requires you to be a fighter. At first instance you must be a fighter if you want to go from the “Non-dating” phase to the “dating” phase. Or you must fight to go from the “friend” stage to the “Lover” stage.

There are times when other peoples vie for her/his affections and you must fight for it. Work for it.

In my instance of Girl unnamed, We really cared for each other- I should have fought for her, harder, stronger, with more gusto than I did. She deserved it. With everything in me I know she deserved it. But that ship has sailed, that opportunity has passed, that chance to fight for this woman who captivated my heart has long since gone.

Learn the lesson from me before you have to learn it for yourself, if you love someone- don’t wait, don’t sit and ponder, fight for her, give it everything you can- because she’s worth it.

So what are you waiting for?

Enter the ring.

Prepare for the fight of your life.

It may be painful at times.

But worth every piece of that agony to win the heart of the one you care for.

I would like to amend the timeless phrase “I’m a lover not a fighter” and suggest we now start saying instead “To be a lover, is to be a fighter”.

Are you ready to rumble?

Frustrated.

Excited.

I want to be a person who achieves dreams, achieve relationship with Jesus and achieve the life i’ve dreamed of.

yet, i’m frustrated.

God help me.

What’s my next step?

I leave it to you.

I trust you.

Future here I come.

Time to do the dream!

Joshua

Good friends, Good food, need I say more?

Yes I do!

My car was totalled when i was away on tour with the TV show, and Justin and Renee just let me use their car out of the blue.

That’s what friends are for aye? To help when you need it, to feed you when you’re hungry and to love you even when you don’t see each other all that much.

Much love to all those friends out there!

xo

Shua

This is my first blog, and I anticipate that a grand total of zero people will even read this, but that’s ok. I’m cool with that, i just want to write and create and blog even if noone reads it initially.

This blog is so much more about me than it is about anyone else, however, i hope people who get to read this are encouraged and inspired and challenged and blessed.

I am a performer, an entertainer, a creative, a communicator, an expresser, an entreprenuer and a people lover.

I’m not sure if anyone will read this, but one day- even if it’s years away- someone will read this, and if that is you, i want you to know, when writing this noone knew me, noone bothered with my blogs, but one day i will be someone who people sit up and pay attention to.

Dreams are what I’m passionate about, the conception of them and the fullfillment of them.

Heres to all the dreamers, the risk takers, the creatives.

life is for the living, and as such, lets live it!

Shuazee